It was a dark and stormy contest
Retired mechanical designer Jim Guigli of Sacramento, California has won the prestigious first prize of the 2006 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, which challenges contestants to submit the worst possible opening sentence of an imaginary novel.
Guigli’s winning entry reads: “Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you’ve had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean.”
Guigli, a resident of the Sacramento suburb of Carmichael, showed his versatility and determination by submitting 60 entries to the 2006 contest. “My motivation for entering the contest,” he quipped, “was to find a constructive outlet for my dementia.”
An international literary parody contest, the competition honours the memory of Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873), best known for The Last Days of Pompeii (1834), organisers say.
Bulwer-Lytton opened his 1830 novel Paul Clifford with the immortal words that Snoopy from Peanuts frequently plagiarised: “It was a dark and stormy night”.
Runner-up, Scotsman Stuart Vasepuru, found inspiration in the Clint Eastwood movie Dirty Harry:
“I know what you’re thinking, punk,” hissed Wordy Harry to his new editor, “you’re thinking, ‘Did he use six superfluous adjectives or only five?’ – and to tell the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement; but being as this is English, the most powerful language in the world, whose subtle nuances will blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel loquacious?’ – well do you, punk?”
Tagged: books, humor, humour
Guigli’s winning entry reads: “Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you’ve had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean.”
Guigli, a resident of the Sacramento suburb of Carmichael, showed his versatility and determination by submitting 60 entries to the 2006 contest. “My motivation for entering the contest,” he quipped, “was to find a constructive outlet for my dementia.”
An international literary parody contest, the competition honours the memory of Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873), best known for The Last Days of Pompeii (1834), organisers say.Bulwer-Lytton opened his 1830 novel Paul Clifford with the immortal words that Snoopy from Peanuts frequently plagiarised: “It was a dark and stormy night”.
Runner-up, Scotsman Stuart Vasepuru, found inspiration in the Clint Eastwood movie Dirty Harry:
“I know what you’re thinking, punk,” hissed Wordy Harry to his new editor, “you’re thinking, ‘Did he use six superfluous adjectives or only five?’ – and to tell the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement; but being as this is English, the most powerful language in the world, whose subtle nuances will blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel loquacious?’ – well do you, punk?”
Tagged: books, humor, humour
Pip Wilson posted item above at 3:34 PM | Permalink
3 Comments:
So many coincidences lately ... I almost sent you a link to this 2006 Contest Result, but decided not to, since you have so many emails. :)
Hehehe, I sent this article to my gal pal, WordFaery at www.wordfaery.com when I first read about it and she did an oral reading of it at a diddy through a gig she belongs to somewhere in New York.
She's a hoot and has a very sultry voice needed to read this thang aloud. She was absolutely thrilled at performing it.
I have the pleasure of having her first CD that she got out last year and she's presently working on her second CD hopefully in time for Christmas.
Hehehe, I sent this article to my gal pal, WordFaery at www.wordfaery.com when I first read about it and she did an oral reading of it at a diddy through a gig she belongs to somewhere in New York.
She's a hoot and has a very sultry voice needed to read this thang aloud. She was absolutely thrilled at performing it.
I have the pleasure of having her first CD that she got out last year and she's presently working on her second CD hopefully in time for Christmas.
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