Firm grasp of the bleeding obvious

Said to be real newspaper headlines, excerpted from the 'Notebook' pages of New Republic magazine:


Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link
Cornell Daily Sun

Whatever Their Motives, Moms Who Kill Kids Still Shock Us
Holland Sentinel

Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut
New York Times

Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find
Los Angeles Times

'Light' Meals Are Lower in Fat, Calories
Huntington Herald-Dispatch

Alcohol Ads Promote Drinking
Hartford Courant

Malls Try to Attract Shoppers
Baltimore Sun

Official: Only Rain Will Cure Drought
Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts

Teenage Girls Often Have Babies Fathered by Men
Portland Oregonian

Low Wages Said Key to Poverty
New York Newsday

Man Shoots Neighbor With Machete
Miami Herald

Tomatoes Come in Big, Little, Medium Sizes
Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia

Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows
New York Times

Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies
Los Angeles Times

Scientists See Quakes in L.A. Future
Portland Oregonian

Wachtler Tells Graduates That Life in Jail is Demeaning
Buffalo News

Free Advice: Bundle Up When Out in the Cold
Lexington Herald-Leader

Prosecution Paints O.J. As a Wife-Killer
Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel

Economist Uses Theory to Explain Economy
Collinsville Herald-Journal

Bible Church's Focus is the Bible
Saint Augustine Record, Florida

Clinton Pledges Restraint in Use of Nuclear Weapons
Cedar Rapids Gazette

Discoveries: Older Blacks Have Edge in Longevity
Chicago Tribune

Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear
Journal of Commerce

Biting Nails Can Be Sign of Tenseness in a Person
Schenectady, New York, Daily Gazette

Lack of Brains Hinders Research
Columbus Dispatch

How We Feel About Ourselves Is the Core of Self-Esteem, Says Author Louise Hart
Boulder, Colorado, Daily Camera

Fish Lurk in Streams
Rochester, New York, Democrat & Chronicle

Categories: humour, humor, joke, media, journalism