Lydia the Tattooed Chickybabe

(With apologies to Harold Arlen and Yip Harburg, and to those many people who won't get my local references -- but I wrote this for a local poetry performance night.)


Groucho's original at YouTube

Oooooooh ..

Lydia oh Lydia, hey have you met Lydia,
Lydia, the tattooed chickybabe?
She has eyes that men adore so,
and a torso even more so.

Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclopedia,
oh Lydia the Queen of Tattoo.
On her back is a screenshot of Her Yahoo.
Below it her arse antlers come into view.
And there in the bush is a red kangaroo.
You can learn a lot from Lydia.

La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la

When her dress is unfurled, she will show you the world,
if you’re just prepared to wait awhile.
For five bucks you’ll be seein’ Johnny Depp’s Caribbean,
or Steve Irwin molesting a crocodile.

La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la

Oh Lydia, oh Lydia, hey have you met Lydia,
oh Lydia the tattooed chickybabe.
When her muscles start relaxin’ –
Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson.

Lydia oh Lydia, that encyclopedia,
oh Lydia the queen of them all!
For ten bucks a throw she’ll show the Thora hip-hop,
with a view of the Promised Land nobody’s got.
And fake Celtic patterns from her toes to her top.
You can learn a lot from Lydia.

La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la

Come see her boyfriend when he’s totally totalled,
drawn for a joke by some bloke at the Global.
Here is one only seen when it’s razored.
One of the few that she shouldn’t get lasered.

La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la

On one ankle’s the cast of Big Brother,
And a yin yang envelopes the other.
Buddha and Jesus a-doin’ the rhumba.
And here is her Centrelink number.

(whistles)

Oh Lydia, oh Lydia, she’s in Wikipedia,
oh Lydia the babe of them all.
She once met a biker who called himself Charlie,
the bikes on her thighs knocked him right off his Harley,
but he very soon learned she was not going to parley.
Ulyssians must wait for Lydia!

I said Lydia (He said Lydia)
They said Lydia (We said Lydia)

La la!