From the mouth of Paul Keating

Another Aussie PM piece again today, but I think it's a goodie. I've just added to January 18 in the Book of Days some of my favourite quotes by Paul Keating, 24th Prime Minister of Australia.

Here's a sample:


Sydney is the only place to live in Australia – the rest is camping out.
Paul Keating

He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.
Paul Keating

A souffle doesn't rise twice.
Paul Keating on ousted opposition leader Andrew Peacock's chances of ever being Liberal Party leader again (Andrew Peacock, one-time intimate of Shirley Maclean, had a reputation as something of a 'spiv', or vain man)

It is the first time the Honourable Gentleman has got out from under the sunlamp.
Paul Keating to Andrew Peacock

... a fop such as the present Leader of the Opposition.
Paul Keating to Andrew Peacock

I suppose that the Honourable Gentleman’s hair, like his intellect, will recede into the darkness.
Paul Keating on Andrew Peacock

… if this gutless spiv, and I refer to him as a gutless spiv …
Paul Keating on Andrew Peacock

We’re not interested in the views of painted, perfumed gigolos.
Paul Keating on Andrew Peacock

John Howard has all the vision of Mr Magoo without the good intentions.
Paul Keating on then opposition leader and later Prime Minister John Howard

I'm not going to be fairy flossed away as my opposite number, John Hewson, is prepared to be fairy flossed away by some spaced out, vacuous ad agency.
Paul Keating on then opposition leader John Hewson

What we have got is a dead carcase, swinging in the breeze, but nobody will cut it down to replace him.
Paul Keating on John Howard

… the brain-damaged Leader of the Opposition …
Paul Keating on John Howard

But I will never get to the stage of wanting to lead the nation standing in front of the mirror each morning clipping the eyebrows here and clipping the eyebrows there with Janette and the kids: It’s like ‘Spot the eyebrows’.
Paul Keating on John Howard

I am not like the Leader of the Opposition. I did not slither out of the Cabinet room like a mangy maggot.
Paul Keating on John Howard

"You look like an Easter Island statue with an arse full of razor blades."

You look like an Easter Island statue with an arse full of razor blades.
Paul Keating to former Prime Minister Malcolm Fraser (pictured)

This is the sort of little-boy, stamp your foot stuff which comes from a financial yuppie when you shoe him into parliament.
Paul Keating on John Hewson

Like being flogged with a warm lettuce.
Paul Keating on John Hewson

What we have as a leader of the National Party is a political carcase with a coat and tie on.
Paul Keating on Ian Sinclair

Codd will be lucky to get a job cleaning shithouses if I ever become Prime Minister.
Paul Keating on public servant Mike Codd

... the brain-damaged Honourable Member for Bruce ...
Paul Keating on Ken Aldred

You were heard in silence, so some of you scumbags on the front bench should wait a minute until you hear the responses from me.
Paul Keating

What really amuses me and almost makes me spew …
Paul Keating

Those opposite could not operate a tart shop.
Paul Keating

… for the benefit of the blockheads opposite ...
Paul Keating

Laurie Oakes is a cane toad.
Paul Keating on journalist Laurie Oakes

You have got to be joking. Whether the Treasurer wished to go there or not, I would forbid him going to the Senate to account to this unrepresentative swill over there.
Paul Keating, refusing to allow Treasurer John Dawkins to appear before a Senate inquiry, November 4, 1992

You had an important place in Australian society on the ABC and you gave it up to be a pop star … with a big cheque … and now you’re on to this sort of stuff. That shows what a 24 carat pissant you are, Richard, that’s for sure.
Paul Keating to TV journalist Richard Carleton

That you Jim? Paul Keating here. Just because you swallowed a fucking dictionary when you were about 15 doesn’t give you the right to pour a bucket of shit over the rest of us.
Paul Keating to former Labor politician, 'Diamond' Jim McClelland (on the phone)

Fucking animals.
Paul Keating on the Press

You boxhead, you wouldn't know. You are flat out counting past ten.
Paul Keating to Liberal Party politician Wilson Tuckey

You know me, love – downhill, one ski, no poles.
Paul Keating on taking risks

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Tagged: australia, humor, humour, politics, political+humor