*Ø* Blogmanac | Political Love Poems?

From Colleen:

Bush inspires readers; let us count the ways
By Rob McKenzie and Julie Smyth
National Post



From the dozens of entries penned by aspiring satirists across the nation, the National Post has selected two winners in its Political Love Poems contest.

In the domestic category, the honour goes to Ivan Ivankovich of Edmonton. And in the foreign category, the champion is 15-year-old Lianne Merkur of Toronto.

The contest was inspired by news on the weekend that George W. Bush, leader of the free world, had taken time to write a love poem to his wife, Laura, concerning her European tour. It reads in part:

"The dogs and the cat, they missed you too/Barney's still mad you dropped him, he ate your shoe/The distance, my dear, has been such a barrier/Next time you want an adventure, just land on a carrier."

The Post asked writers to create love poems by other politicians and public figures. Entries satirized not only Mr. Bush but also Saddam Hussein, Joe Clark, Gary Coleman, Adrienne Clarkson, Jean Chrétien, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Hillary Clinton, Ralph Klein, Gordon Campbell, Svend Robinson, Stephen Harper, Peter MacKay, Sheila Copps and Larry Flynt. In a sign that separatism is waning, no poems concerned Lucien Bouchard, Bernard Landry or the silver-haired guy who currently leads the Bloc Québécois.

Mr. Ivankovich's poem, short and sweet, is entitled "To Aline":

Roses are red
But I am blue
I keep thinking about Paul
Rather than you

Ms. Merkur's Schwarzeneggerian poem is entitled "Ode to my Biceps":

Of all of your neighbours
None do compare
To you, my lovelies,
My fine bulging pair.
Through the turmoil
Of decades, pageants and more
You are the only ones
Whom I truly adore.
You are the best bumps
In my entire sculpted bod.
You're even better than
My pecs, my calves and my quads.
Gleaming and flexing and rippling,
You have always made Daddy proud.
Pay no mind to those mean critics;
I still say steroids should be allowed.
Don't be alarmed, my sweets;
Because I'll never let you die.
Even now, as Governor,
You're the apples of my eye.
And when I win, I'll convince them all
To put you even more on display.
Yes, all of California will regale
In an Arnold's Biceps Day!

A dozen red roses and a box of National Post chocolates (hard and crusty on the right side, and on the left side -- well, actually we got rid of the left side) are on their way to the winners.

In other poetry news, George Bowering, Canada's poet laureate, who has been opposed to Mr. Bush and his policy on Iraq, told the Post he is not impressed with Mr. Bush's non-UN-approved incursion into poetic territory, regardless of his politics.

"Every husband leaves messages -- like Roses are Red messages -- somewhere," Mr. Bowering claimed.

"And I have seen a lot of them and this is maybe the worst I have seen. It is just awful," he observed.

"It's not poetry anyway. I don't know what was going through her [Laura Bush's] mind -- why she made it public. She said it was cute, or something. She says it was lovely. It was not lovely. She says he's quite a poet. He's not anywhere near a poet. It is just absolutely horrible."

The liberator of Iraq and Afghanistan also lost points for his inadequate rhyming abilities.

"I would compare it with an average kid in Grade 6," Mr. Bowering said in what appears not to be intended as a salute to our nation's 11-year-olds.

Mr. Bowering contributed his poetry to an anthology of anti-war writing one week after Mrs. Bush cancelled a gathering of poets at the White House in February upon learning some of those invited planned to use the event to protest the war with Iraq.

"When she organized that event, I thought, 'Hey, maybe she knows something about poetry.' If this is what she thinks poetry is, I am really glad us poets put the kibosh on that," he said.

© Copyright 2003 National Post

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